Present

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15

In my own life I have found that rejoicing and mourning with others can at times be a very hard task. I guess I would say behind each their is a wound or a story that goes with it.

In California we do not have basements, but just imagine it is a big area to stuff a bunch of junk into. In friendships there are risks; will we allow them to see our cluttered, messy basement that screams I really do not have it all together like I try to portray?  Do we have those friends that we allow to come into our cluttered and messy life junk or do we keep them at an arms length because if we allow them to see who we really are they will run for the hills?  To say that I love people is kind of an understatement, I love deeply and with that love has come great heartache.  I have had friendships that in my mind would be forever friendships, I mean they not only saw my cluttered basement but helped me sort through the mess.  These people were friends that I linked arms with when life was hard, when we faced unbearable loss, did ministry with, prayed with and rejoiced with.  I let my guard down, I let them into my cluttered and broken places, I desired deep friendship and that was what I thought I had.  Turns out it was for a season and when that season of friendships were over, I was heart broken.  That's it? Done? Why did I invest so much time for our friendship to end? Why did I let them in? What good will come from this? These were just a few questions that came to mind. I will come back to this story.

You ever have a friend that you know if you ever wanted to do something crazy they would be right by your side because they love you too much? The friendship of Lucy and Ethel come to mind as I type.  Or the friend that when you are really going through what you think could be life's greatest trial, goes against your wishes of wanting to be alone and comes over anyways to sit with you in your silence and pain?  I have had these types of friends and with them came many fun memories, but the last one made a HUGE impression on me, let me tell you why.  For whatever reason pain is a very messy and uncomfortable place for most people and not many will volunteer to sit in it with you. I had had my 9 week check-up to hear our baby's heartbeat, there wasn't one...I was told that in a few short days I would begin the process of miscarriage. Excuse me doctor, what???  To me I did not just loose my baby, I lost my hope, my dream of what would be, and my world was shattered into a million pieces in a matter of seconds.  I had walked 5 years in this long road of infertiliy and here was the chance that it was changing, but that was not so.  I remember feeling so numb as I laid on that cold exam table and everything around me was so dark. As news leaked out to our family and friends, people started calling, texting, emailing their condolences but none of that really made it better, it was as if no one knew the deep sadness we were feeling.  People would say "Let me know if you need anything" I had NO idea what I needed, and doing my everyday responsibilities seemed daunting. About 2 days later I received a text from my good friend that said "We would like to come and see you" and my pride said absolutely not, I do not want to feel awkward from people dealing with my pain, so I answered "Another day would be better."  About 10 minutes later the doorbell rang and there they were at our doorstep, and as soon as she stepped into my house and hugged me the tears just flooded out of me.  That hug in my deepest pain ministered to my aching heart.  She did not care how awkward I was feeling, or that I could not put into words what my heart needed, she was just present. For 2 hours they sat on our couch and we barely spoke, they prayed over us when they felt led to do so, they brought a meal so I would not have to cook, but mostly they just showed up.  My husband and I's brokenness was not too much for them, and the silence was not so awkward that they ran for the hills, they were willing to love us where we were at, and that was exactly what I needed but could not say.

To rejoice with those who rejoice means that you honestly are filled with joy and celebrate the season of life that they are in, even if your life in not as joyful at that moment.  To mourn with those who mourn means that regardless of how uncomfortable it may be you sit in the brokenness with them.  If they feel like breaking glass to make themself feel better you grab a glass and break it with them.  In the first story I shared that I had lost some close friends. The reason those friendships ended was because they could not handle our grief anymore, they wanted us to be in a place of rejoicing as heir lives had been moved to that place, but that is not how life works.  My husband and I had become too much for them and so they decided that they would distance themselves from us and it was heart breaking.  I will say that I have learned from the pain, I have learned what it means to really do life with others, to love them unconditionally where they are in life and that whether they are in a season of rejoicing or mourning I will link arms with them and walk beside them.  I have learned the importance of being present when it matters most. I have learned that fighting for my friendships is important and that people are always more important than my schedule.  I have been asked to walk a hard road, one I do not understand most days, but I am grateful for the few that have loved me unconditionally and continue to walk my life journey with me.

Confidence

The title alone of this entry is a taboo topic of many, especially women.  This word or theme has been swirling around in my mind for quite some time now, some because I struggle with confidence in certain aspects of my life, but mainly because the more I get to know even the ladies in my inner circle I see the lack of it.  In my opinion the way society talks about confidence can come across very negative, that somehow you are all of a sudden narcissistic and somehow confuse people into believing that confidence is the same as walking around with your nose in the air.  I would beg to not only differ but say that kind of thinking is a lie from the pit of hell.  I believe that the main reason that any human would ever struggle with confidence is because somewhere along the way the enemy has tricked them into thinking that fearing what they fear most is better than overcoming that fear and living to the fullest as God has created us to live!  Just hang with me for a little bit, I promise this crazy rant will make sense:)
When God created man and woman he said that it was very good, humans were His most prized creation and to top it off we are the image of God Himself.  There is NO other creation on earth that has a place within where God Himself can dwell except in mankind.  I do not know about you but that right there is pretty amazing and humbling all at the same time.  When we were created before sin entered the world there was no broken-ness, no pain or suffering, so there would be no need for Adam or Eve to lack confidence.  But (yes I started the sentence with a but), when sin entered the world so did depravity, an awareness of what was lacking, a sense of self consciousness and shame.  I am not gonna unpack all of that, but I think that it is important to understand where the lacking started...the garden...the serpent (otherwise known as satan) and the idea that God was holding out His best on His beloveds...in one word Eve feared the unknown.  This is where it all starts for most of us.  Somewhere along the way we doubt God and instead of placing our trust in Him we allow fear to grip our lives and that is where we stay...like Adam and Eve part of us die...whether it is spiritually or die in the unhappiness in our lives called the comfort zone. The enemy LOVES the comfort zone, why? Because it is a place that does not promote growth, it is a stagnent place and he knows you will be so ineffective he does not have to worry or work hard at harassing you.
I absolutely LOVE women especially young girls and I have been SO blessed in my life to walk through and love on many.  What I am most passionate about is that they not only know and understand their worth, but walk out the calling in their life confidently and effectively!!  As i look back on my life over the last 14 years I would say that 11 of them were fruitful, good and blessed.  Not to say that my life was perfect because it was far from that and had my own fair share of trials, but in my eyes I had purpose, I was walking out my calling and I was confident in the gifts that God had given me, I could honestly say it was some of the best years of my life.  Then the storm came crashing in and the life that I knew was no more.  It did not happen over night, but it was a slow process of what would be to me a very unfulfilling life...I lost my job (that I loved), I lost very close friends that we had linked arm and arm with in ministry, my husband lost his job, we lost our ministry, we lost 4 babies after battling infertility for 7 years, marraige became really hard, and life as we knew it that we would say was the "good life" was no more.  What also was taken in the midst of all of this was my confidence, in who I was, what my calling was and my worth as a person.  I curled up in my comfort zone, padded it with all kinds of fear so that I would not get hurt and have lived there up til now.  I am not saying this because I need sympathy, I say it because it is true and honest.  For three years I have allowed myself to believe a lie, I have been the person I have taught so many girls not to be in all my years of ministry...a scared, scarred unconfident girl.  What I forgot somewhere along the way was that my confidence is not in a title, a job, being a wife, a mother, pastor, ect...it is only found in the One that created me.  Because I was made in the image of God, there is a place in my soul that only He can fill.  I will never experience true confidence apart from Him because confidence is not narcissistic, it is a place of being content with the way we were created.  It is a place of walking out the set of God given abilities we have been given.  It is a place of knowing that without the Lord empowering us to do the things in which we were created to do, they would not happen.  It is the place of worsshipping God and giving Him glory for how He created you.  I know that it gives God so much pleasure when we live our life passionately and using our gifts to minister to a hurting and broken world.  I no longer want to be a washed up has been, but a woman who is confident in who she was created to be.  I want to empower and encourage other women to walk out their calling, to love my husband well and encourage him as he leads our home, I want to be a mother that speaks life over her children and call out their gifts and empower them to live a meaninful God honoring life, and whatever job or task the Lord has for me next I want to tackle it with tenacity and passion, learning to be content with where the Lord places me.
What I have learned about confidence (thank you Lord for opening my eyes) is that it is a place of being comfortable in your own skin. It is a place that loves other women and does not compare, it is a place of facing fears and overcoming them not letting them over take you, it is a place that elevates lives and speaks life into them not tearing them down, it is a place of guarding hearts...yours and others as well, it is a place where we do not judge but stand in the gap for spiritual awakening and change, and it is a place of understanding that we are already victorious in Jesus to take the enemy down when he envades our camp or those close around us.
To have true confidence means that no matter what comes in life whether good or bad you stand...stand confident because of who you belong to and that He is trustworthy and He has it all under control.

Seasons

I love seasons, even though in California there is either hot or cold, but none the less I love them.  I had coffee with a friend I have had since the 6th grade and on my drive home one of the topics we discussed stuck with me, seasons of relationships.
I will say that I am not a fan of these seasons, mainly because I do not like change one, but also because when I let you in and trust you that is a sealed deal for me!  Her and I have had a lot of change in relationships over the years, and really when it is all stripped down to the core of it, they are not of our own doing.  It is not because that we are perfect, but for reasons only the Lord knows, those people have been stripped away.  There was a concept that a mentor in my life used to tell me all the time and I still struggle with it today as I did then... (I wonder if I will ever really master it) she used to tell me to hold others with an open hand.  I remember looking at her and saying "But that gives people the right to hurt you and walk in and out of your life!"  And to that she replied "Yes, but they are not yours to hold onto."  There is so much truth in that concept, but I still do not like it because when I am truly vested in a person, that is it I am 100% in!  As we discussed this tonight I really felt like the Lord impressed upon my heart to look at it with fresh eyes, to see it from a different perspective.  There are going to be people that He allows to come in our lives and will be a constant, the Bible talks about those kind of friends or if you want to speak in modern terms it is the "Ride or Die" friends!!  But there will be those relationships that will come and go, and there may be no explanation as to why they came and left, but to be okay with whatever the outcome may be.  We learn from each relationship and it helps to make us to be who we are, but I will say this in my experience in walking with the Lord, the relationships that flourish and last are the ones that build us up, that push us to be better, and mainly the ones that spur us on to be more like Jesus..."Iron sharpening iron."
I have been sitting in so much hurt and bitterness for so long because of hurt and pain, then my friend said something tonight that made so much sense, she said what has happened to you the Lord allowed, you may not know now but whatever it is will make you more like Him!  BAM, hit in the face...in a good way! As I drove home I realized I do not ever want to be complacent and I surely do not want anything than the Lord's best even in friendships, so why am I so focused on the past ones that have left, well my answer to that is because I am human and they once mattered a great deal to me, but if I truly do trust the Lord and His intentions for my life then I need to walk that out.  I need to let go and let God do what He wants to do, in the way that He wants to do it!  This is no easy task for this sensitive girl who wears her heart on her sleeve...but I am who God made me to be and I have a lot of love in my heart to give to those the Lord has for me and I want those!
So my perspective has changed, I am thankful for all the ones that have come and gone for teaching me how to rely on the Lord more when I have felt alone, how to love deeper and with passion, to work hard for the relationships that mean so much to me and to learn how to walk away when the season is through.
So Lord here I am saying, use me, send me and bring me anything or anyone that you see as best! You are the Author of my story and I am letting you take over and do what you want!!  I am ready for a new season...bring it!

Misunderstood

Have you ever been or felt misunderstood? That no matter how many times you would or could explain your self it really would not matter because it was not going to help the situation?  I know that in my life there have and currently are those same situations where I know that I have been misunderstood and I think if only they knew my real heart intentions, they would see I really am for them or I really do like them, I just have to stay true to my heart or my beliefs.  Today as I was pondering this concept I came across this quote..."Today I am so grateful that God knows my heart.  Others may misunderstand my good intentions, judge my words or deeds, find fault, or blame what they truly do not understand. But God knows my heart.  He knows that I am learning, trying, endeavoring, to be all that He created me to be."  I literally read that over 5 times because I needed it to sink in not just to my mind but to my heart.  I love the BUT GOD...I a lot of times put what others think of me before what He does and it should be the other way around.  

This past few months I really feel that the Lord has been teaching me how to take a step back and put certain things in perspective, especially when it comes to peoples opinions of me, however I have in no way mastered this at all.  But really why is what people think so important? I mean if you think about it they are human and opinions change of people all the time, yet it is something that most people struggle with whether they acknowledge it out loud or not.  I have really been stretched and am learning to lay people at the Lord's feet and to let Him deal with them and divide the truth as it says in Scripture.  I also have had to allow Him to be my defense and let my character speak for itself, as He is my defender and my shield.  I will also say that I know that I am not perfect and have or will offend someone in life, and I also always want to be in a place to humble myself and take responsibility for my actions if need be. There is such freedom in restoration of relationships and when ownership is taken on both sides...that is when relationships are strengthened and can only grow in a positive way! 

I have been reading this book called "The Bait of Satan" and it is literally kicking my booty.  I have been an emotional wreck but only because I know that breakthrough is gonna happen.  It talks about this whole concept of being misunderstood which really leads to being offended and learning how to lay that down.  Man does my flesh fight against these godly principles, it is so hard not to get or stay offended by people.  Well as I have been thinking through it the reason we stay offended is because we feel entitled, which is in its entirety selfish.  It is putting expectations on others and then holding them to a standard that you have set over them, which means you are destined to be disappointed and then offended by them.  Being disappointed or offended is a natural human feeling but it is what you do with it that is important...if you sit in it too long it will lead to bitterness and anger which will only kill you on the inside.  Trust me when I say I know this with my whole being!! I have been SO hurt, disappointed and offended by people in my life who at one time were not only important to me and close like my family, but people I looked up to and respected very much.  I have sat in that place of hurt and offended-ness and it literally has killed me on the inside.  I became someone I was not which was bitter, closed off, angry and very short tempered.  There were times I would listen to myself and say "Michelle, who are you?"  See I know deep down the girl God has created me to be and those attributes are not part of it.  I am by nature very loving, caring and very outgoing...when I am hurt I am the opposite.  Jesus who had EVERY right to be offended by the very people He created did not, He came and died for all, regardless of their opinions of Him, how mistreated he felt by them, how misunderstood he was by them or His best friends deserted Him in His last hours before enduring the cross, forgave them.  In seeing this from Jesus' perspective it has rocked my own world because I am to imitate Jesus, so if He cannot be offended I cannot sit n offense.  AGAPE love meaning unconditional love means we lay down all rights that we have or think we have, and die to self everyday and to everyone.  It means that we regard others higher than ourselves and put them first.  This is NOT a natural thing for our flesh to follow suit in, it is of the spiritual nature and it can only happen when we allow the Lord to have His way and we deny our own.  

I know that I still have much to learn and grown in and I am willing to allow the Lord to do what He needs to do, even if it means brokenness.  What I am not willing to do is be stagnant and allow the enemy to have a foothold in my relationships or my life.  I want the life that is found in the things of the Lord, not death that the enemy offers.  So I will continue to pray and lay down the people that I feel have misunderstood me at the Lord's feet and allow Him to deal with it, He knows my heart and my intentions and that is what truly matters.

Work in Progress

I have been reading this book called "Chasing God" and let me tell you it has changed the way I not only see my relationship with God, but with Christianity as a whole.  I have grown up around Christianity my whole life...church, Christian school, and in a Christian God fearing home.  I can say with confidence that I also know a lot of Bible verses, stories and can use Scripture to defend my faith well.  As I have gotten older I have realized that all of that is great, as we are to be able to give an answer for what we believe, but I have also realized that I have been in a category known as the Pharisees.  See they were also known in their day as scholars of the Torah and knew the law better than most, but when it came to giving grace, love and mercy they failed miserably.  I would honestly see them in today's society as the people who picket and hold up signs on the corner that read "turn or burn!"  I have never been an advocate for that as a useful tool to share the love of Jesus, nor does it compel a person to come to the Lord because they are drawn by His love for them, but more out of fear of hell.  Back to my point...I like a lot of other Christians have given myself more esteem than was due to me, as did the Pharisees.  They thought they had all the answers and were better than others.  I would not say I have been as crazy as them, but I can with full honesty say that I have thought I was a "better" Christian than others.  I also would say that I have not always been one to give grace and mercy as often as I should and at times should have kept my mouth shut.  Look, a relationship with the Lord is all about growth and learning how to be more like Him, but that was it, I did not always reflect Him or His character, I reflected one that was trying to prove herself as a stellar Christian.  I can honestly say that nothing shows you who you really are, and how deep your roots are in Him until you go through a big stormy trial.  It was in this season the last 2 years that I have had to look in the mirror and see how unrighteous I really am, and that all that I know about the Bible or how many verses I could quote really mean nothing if I do not know the Author deeply.  I was holding onto a status, to an outward appearance of wanting to look holy and like a super Christian, but when I felt alone and found myself in the driest of deserts none of that helped me.  The Lord has allowed me to go through a huge stripping season and it has been the MOST painful season I have ever had to walk through, I get teary-eyed just typing it out.  What I have realized is that my perception of myself was very skewed and my anchor was in the wrong place.  I was holding onto the tangible in life and not the One who loves me most.  The Lord has taken me to a place where He would allow me to lose so many things that meant so much to me and that I allowed define me and all I had left was Him to hold onto.  He allowed me to see what a wimpy Christian I was and that my roots were not as deep as I let on because when the storm came and the wind of life picked me up and had a good ol time whipping me around.  The things that have surfaced in the last two years have not been pretty, but I understand that God loves me enough and will never leave me in a place of comfort.  My heart being more like His is what matters most to Him, and so He little by little started taking "my comfort" away.  It is because of this season that I see people in a whole new light, and tend to give grace in areas that I never would have.  To see people how God sees them, and that they are to be loved and cherished, that they have purpose.  But most of all, that I am 100% a sinner and in need of the love of Christ just like everyone else.  I am not better than the person who was saved a week ago, just because I have more Bible head knowledge than they might.  This season has showed me what humility and compassion look like...to reach out to those who are hurting and in need of being loved and listened to.  By no means did I not know or practice this before, but my heart is different!  The Bible says that those who are forgiven much, love much and boy do I understand the Lord's relentless forgiveness in my life...everyday.  This book I am reading basically talks about how much God desires to have relationship with us first and foremost, and that He could care less how well you can play the Christian role.  It is not about how well you can clean up on the outside, it is about a heart that yearns to know a loving God.  To chase God can become exhausting because it is a performance based relationship and we can chase Him our whole lives and not really know Him.  He has showed me that He just wants me, thats it, and He takes me just as I am dirty and sinful.  He could care less how much I do for or in then name of Him, because to Him what I am is way more important than what I have been called to do.  What I know is this, I am not even close to perfect and will never be until I meet Him face to face, but I would rather be working out my walk with Him all the rest of my earthly days, than spend a day without Him.  I hate this season I have been called to, but I also know that He is a God of redemption and my story will have a joyful ending because I know His heart for me and I can hold Him to His promises!!

To Be Real, Or Not To Be...That Is The Question

I often hear so many people make a comment like, "I love when people are real," or "I cannot stand fake people." Truth is we all fall in both categories as much as I think most would love to be in the "real" one.  Being a person who is unashamedly real, comes with a high cost, it means that you have to show pieces of you to others that maybe are not so pretty, instead of picking and choosing what you allow others to see and then they make a decision on what kind of a person you are.  Truth be told, no one is "real" all the time!  No one wants to be judged  for what they struggle with silently, or share how they are really doing in fear that others will judge them for what a train wreck they might be.  I have been pondering this idea for years now, and honestly it REALLY bothers me that people actually have to hide who they are, especially in groups where people claim to love them, claim to never leave despite what they are going through, or dare I use the term be their "best friend forever," yet do not have the safety to truly be themselves.
About 8 years ago I was given the news that I had something called PCOS, which is why I was having such a hard time getting pregnant.  In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be asked to walk down this hard and at times excruciating road.  I have had so many tests done, procedures done, 3 rounds of IUI, 2 rounds of Invitro that ended in miscarriages and a very broken and shattered heart, my uterus scraped to remove pallups, so many injections and bruising, and the list continues...  My dream has always been to be a mom of multiple kids and never dreamed that here I sit, childless and still no closer to having living children than I was 8 years ago when the devastating news came that I was dealing with infertility.  To say the least this has been by far the hardest trial I have ever walked through, it has tested my faith in the Lord and His goodness over my life, I have lost friendships over going through this, it has tested my marriage in more ways than I ever wanted, and it certainly has played a part in my worth and how I see myself as a woman! It has stripped me down to the core of who I am, it has given me days where I feel I have no foundation to stand on, it has left me with a hopeless dream, and it has left me with empty arms and a heart that aches to hold a baby.  I can sit here and talk about infertility and educate people on the matter, as I certainly have advice to offer to other women walking through the same, but I want to shed light on how this road I am on can be a very dark and lonely one.
Every person on this earth will walk through something that is hard, it may not be infertility, but it is the one thing that rocks them and leaves them dumbfounded as to how they were picked to walk the road set before them.  The road asked to walk is hard, but you know what is even harder? To feel like you are walking alone.  To at one point feel forgotten, unloved, mis-understood, accused of being too sensitive, or people make comments like "you are grieving way too long when will you get over it?" I have been in all of those categories and I have had some really mean things said to me in regards to my situation, and all those words told me was..."Michelle, you no longer have a safe place to be real, to be you, that I am a burden to others, people are way too busy to care, life goes on so move along, I was loved but conditionally and most of all you are too broken and we do not know what to do with you."  And just like that, people started walking away and once again my aching heart from not only the infertility junk seem to seep all over, but the ache of loneliness screamed as well.  So as I thought through my initial question of why people act fake sometimes, it is because being real hurts way too much.  It should never be this way!!
I was reminded of the countless stories in the Bible of how Jesus truly loved people in their pain, the woman at the well, the woman and the issue of blood, Mary the adulterous woman as she washed Jesus' feet with her hair, the blind man that sat at the pool of Bathesda, and I could keep going.  Jesus was never too scared to just sit in someone else's pain, he was never scared by it, nor was there ever a person too broken to love.
I see people so differently now after walking through so much, I never want to be the person who leaves when others are hurting, to make them feel like they are a huge burden because of what life has thrown at them, or that they feel alone walking through a dark valley of pain.  People need people, we were created for fellowship and not to be an island all alone...yet there are so many people who are in fact alone.  Just some advice if you know of anyone walking through some really tough stuff...be there, show up and shut up! We know no one can fix our circumstances, if you could we would have asked by now, duh! All we want is to know you are not scared to sit with us as we cry and need to share our heart. We need you to show up in the midst of tragedy, NOT give us space!!! Be available to help with laundry, help with their kids if they have them, make meals for them, do grocery shopping, whatever makes the load lighter.  Trust me I wish someone would have just done these things for me, I did not even know what to ask for after losing babies.  Lastly SHUT UP...we will ask for your advice if we need it.  If you have not gone through it you really do not have a leg to stand on, sorry.
If we want the people in our lives to be "real" with us, then we have to be a person that is not scared of what "real" entails! It is most often a very muddy place, or as a very wise pastor said "Dealing with the junk of life is often like walking through manure."  Can it be said of you that you are a person that will walk with others through life no matter what the weather in their life looks like? Only you can truly answer that! Real people, cultivate real people.

Cup of Tea

All my life since before I can even remember, I have always been the girl who cared about what other people thought about me. I mean honestly who doesn't want to be liked, but it has been a thorn in my side. This thorn, has brought me to the realization that I may not always be everyones cup of tea. I may not be the girl that every one would pick to have as a friend and it is in the raw truth of life when it's ugly head is reared, and so do my insecurities.   It is in those times that all truth flies out the window and you start to believe the lies, lies that either you have come up with on your own of not being good enough, feeling worthy enough, or the lies that the enemy is so quick to whisper to you and jump on your thought train headed for self destruction.  If we were truly honest with ourselves, we would say that it is so much easier to believe the lies than it is to believe the truth about who we are.  See this is what I do not understand, why is it so easy for me to believe the lies from the very one who hates me instead of the One who created me? The One who spoke life into my very being, the One who created me with specific gifts and talents, the One who sent His Son to die on my behalf because He could not stand being separated from me for all eternity? It literally makes no sense, yet like the dumb sheep that I am, I listen to the voice of the enemy and others around me, and that is how I gage my worth.  I know that as I write I am not the only one who struggles with this, I am just one who is writing it on paper...we altogether forget how priceless we are.  In thinking about this it brought back a song that Amy Grant (anyone know who she is?) sings, and I have loved it since I was a little girl.  It goes like this..."I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl, and my face may not grace the mind of every one in the world, but that's alright as long as I can have one wish I pray, when people look inside my life, I want to hear them say, she's got her Father's eyes...eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain, knowing what their going through and feeling it the same..."
That really is my prayer, to see others how God sees them, yes even the ones who are not very nice to me or do not like me, as hard as that is.  The truth of not being everyones cup of tea seems to fade into the background when I look at it with His eyes and not my fleshly ones.  It really does not matter in the long scheme of things if people like you, approve of you, or affirm your worth.  Our souls were designed to have the approval of our Creator, He alone can put a price on the very thing that He designed and created. Compliments, encouragement and being loved by others is invaluable if you have it, BUT it is not a long term satisfaction, in fact it leaves you hungry for more.  The truth is that I am God's cup of tea, He has chosen me, and I am invaluable to Him.  Now the truth has surfaced yet again, my head needs to convince my heart of this truth and all will be well!!