Confidence

The title alone of this entry is a taboo topic of many, especially women.  This word or theme has been swirling around in my mind for quite some time now, some because I struggle with confidence in certain aspects of my life, but mainly because the more I get to know even the ladies in my inner circle I see the lack of it.  In my opinion the way society talks about confidence can come across very negative, that somehow you are all of a sudden narcissistic and somehow confuse people into believing that confidence is the same as walking around with your nose in the air.  I would beg to not only differ but say that kind of thinking is a lie from the pit of hell.  I believe that the main reason that any human would ever struggle with confidence is because somewhere along the way the enemy has tricked them into thinking that fearing what they fear most is better than overcoming that fear and living to the fullest as God has created us to live!  Just hang with me for a little bit, I promise this crazy rant will make sense:)
When God created man and woman he said that it was very good, humans were His most prized creation and to top it off we are the image of God Himself.  There is NO other creation on earth that has a place within where God Himself can dwell except in mankind.  I do not know about you but that right there is pretty amazing and humbling all at the same time.  When we were created before sin entered the world there was no broken-ness, no pain or suffering, so there would be no need for Adam or Eve to lack confidence.  But (yes I started the sentence with a but), when sin entered the world so did depravity, an awareness of what was lacking, a sense of self consciousness and shame.  I am not gonna unpack all of that, but I think that it is important to understand where the lacking started...the garden...the serpent (otherwise known as satan) and the idea that God was holding out His best on His beloveds...in one word Eve feared the unknown.  This is where it all starts for most of us.  Somewhere along the way we doubt God and instead of placing our trust in Him we allow fear to grip our lives and that is where we stay...like Adam and Eve part of us die...whether it is spiritually or die in the unhappiness in our lives called the comfort zone. The enemy LOVES the comfort zone, why? Because it is a place that does not promote growth, it is a stagnent place and he knows you will be so ineffective he does not have to worry or work hard at harassing you.
I absolutely LOVE women especially young girls and I have been SO blessed in my life to walk through and love on many.  What I am most passionate about is that they not only know and understand their worth, but walk out the calling in their life confidently and effectively!!  As i look back on my life over the last 14 years I would say that 11 of them were fruitful, good and blessed.  Not to say that my life was perfect because it was far from that and had my own fair share of trials, but in my eyes I had purpose, I was walking out my calling and I was confident in the gifts that God had given me, I could honestly say it was some of the best years of my life.  Then the storm came crashing in and the life that I knew was no more.  It did not happen over night, but it was a slow process of what would be to me a very unfulfilling life...I lost my job (that I loved), I lost very close friends that we had linked arm and arm with in ministry, my husband lost his job, we lost our ministry, we lost 4 babies after battling infertility for 7 years, marraige became really hard, and life as we knew it that we would say was the "good life" was no more.  What also was taken in the midst of all of this was my confidence, in who I was, what my calling was and my worth as a person.  I curled up in my comfort zone, padded it with all kinds of fear so that I would not get hurt and have lived there up til now.  I am not saying this because I need sympathy, I say it because it is true and honest.  For three years I have allowed myself to believe a lie, I have been the person I have taught so many girls not to be in all my years of ministry...a scared, scarred unconfident girl.  What I forgot somewhere along the way was that my confidence is not in a title, a job, being a wife, a mother, pastor, ect...it is only found in the One that created me.  Because I was made in the image of God, there is a place in my soul that only He can fill.  I will never experience true confidence apart from Him because confidence is not narcissistic, it is a place of being content with the way we were created.  It is a place of walking out the set of God given abilities we have been given.  It is a place of knowing that without the Lord empowering us to do the things in which we were created to do, they would not happen.  It is the place of worsshipping God and giving Him glory for how He created you.  I know that it gives God so much pleasure when we live our life passionately and using our gifts to minister to a hurting and broken world.  I no longer want to be a washed up has been, but a woman who is confident in who she was created to be.  I want to empower and encourage other women to walk out their calling, to love my husband well and encourage him as he leads our home, I want to be a mother that speaks life over her children and call out their gifts and empower them to live a meaninful God honoring life, and whatever job or task the Lord has for me next I want to tackle it with tenacity and passion, learning to be content with where the Lord places me.
What I have learned about confidence (thank you Lord for opening my eyes) is that it is a place of being comfortable in your own skin. It is a place that loves other women and does not compare, it is a place of facing fears and overcoming them not letting them over take you, it is a place that elevates lives and speaks life into them not tearing them down, it is a place of guarding hearts...yours and others as well, it is a place where we do not judge but stand in the gap for spiritual awakening and change, and it is a place of understanding that we are already victorious in Jesus to take the enemy down when he envades our camp or those close around us.
To have true confidence means that no matter what comes in life whether good or bad you stand...stand confident because of who you belong to and that He is trustworthy and He has it all under control.