Pretend

"GOD CANNOT BLESS WHO YOU PRETEND TO BE." Pastor Steven Furtick

I love to have deep chats with people about Jesus if they are open to it, but tonight it was my husband's turn to help me dissect something that has been whirling around in my head for some time. I love his input because he has such a tender heart for others, as do I, but he just lays things out differently than I.  We were talking about the topic of salvation, repentance and what it means to be a real Christian compared to those who "pretend" to be one.

The term "Christian" is used so flippantly these days, it seems that everyone would categorize themselves as one.  I was reading something a while back saying that 90% of the world is a Christian, and as soon as I read that I instantly disagreed.  Anyone can call themselves a Christian, but it does not mean that they truly are what Christian means..."A Follower of Christ."  I can call myself a lot of things but it in no way qualifies me as such.  I think what drives me crazy is people who go around saying that they love Jesus, yet their life completely contradicts everything that a follower of Christ should represent.  The Bible says that the life of a true believer should produce a fruitful life, meaning that it is not just something they possess inside but their life truly exudes or shines the character of Jesus.  I am in no way the true judge of everyone's heart, but I take God at His Word and if it says a life should produce fruit, something I can see, then I believe just that.  So many references in the Bible talk about being outward about faith in Jesus...."Shine your light before men..." "You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden..." "If you confess me before men, I will confess you before my Father in heaven..." No where have I read to be quiet, hide the fact that you are a follower of Jesus.  I am in no way saying go make a sign and stand on a street corner, I have deep opinions about that, but what I am saying is that your life should not blend in with the rest of the world.  Jesus never blended in with anyone, in fact it was because of what He stood for that would later be the thing that made Him the "most wanted" among the religious leaders.

There are so many people who frankly are "pretending" to be Christians because it seems like the right thing to do, or gives them fire insurance from hell.  As I was studying a bit earlier the verse Matthew 7:14 came to mind: "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only few find it."  What that tells me is that the day when we all stand before the Lord there will be a lot of people who thought they were a "Christian" and will be really surprised when Jesus says "Depart from me, I never knew you." Matthew 7:23 This grieves my heart that anyone would spend eternity away from the presence of the Lord, but it is the truth.

The heart of God is one that longs to bless, longs to love, longs to give life and freedom...but it only comes to a life that is fully surrendered and obedient to the Lord.  It is one that runs away from a life of sin, and longs to flourish and grow in a life rooted in who He is.  The quote above is so true, God cannot bless a person who is just pretending to be in a relationship with Him, you're either in or out of one.  Going to church is good, but it does not make you a Jesus follower it just helps keep you accountable and in a place of growth.  Reading the Bible does not do it unless your life reflects what you intake from it.  Praying is great but if it is only one sided of a person shouting their demands at God instead of taking the time to thank Him for all He has done, and letting Him talk back once in awhile...it is a pretty one sided relationship.  Being a "Christian" or a follower of Christ is more than a religious check list, it is a true relationship...it is one of deepest awe and respect for who He is.  It is a life that reflects all that Christ embodies.  The Lord will bless a person who is authentic, one that has a humble heart, one that longs to have His heart, one that strips down to the core and is just real about who they are and comes in all their brokenness.

I do not want to pretend to be anything I am not, nor do I want to stand before the Lord one day and not know for sure that I will hear "Well done good and faithful servant, enter into my Father's rest."  I want to be the real deal even if that leaves me lonely like John the Baptist lol, but you get my drift.  The way our world is going it seems that the Lord coming back seems nearer and nearer...there is no time to pretend, the world needs Him more now than ever before.  It is time that people are either in or out...not in the quiet middle.

Without Borders

I have been down sick for the last 3 days with this nasty stomach flu virus, with that being said, I have also spent a lot of time sleeping, hence why I am up now and blogging.  One of my close friends who is my sweet sister in Christ, my accountability partner, my sounding board...texted me yesterday and said "Hey since you are laid up in bed, check out the IFGathering online, it is awesome."  I did not watch it yesterday, so I have spent the last 3 hours watching some of my favorite women speakers and really just allowing the Word of God that was given to them minister to my heart.  One of my favorite speakers is Bianca Olthoff, otherwise known as Pastor Pancho Juarez's daughter from Calvary Chapel Montebello...she has the same fire when she preaches like her dad!  There was something that I felt like the Lord pressed deeply on my heart while I listened and I felt like sharing in case maybe you also could relate. (Now that I have given a lengthy intro:)

I have been on a weird, painful, emotional, bitter, angry journey in the last ten years...all those emotions have hit me at one point.  If one would ask me about my faith, I would probably say that it is good...I mean after-all I believe in Jesus and have served Him more than half my life...gotta say something right?  Well in the last couple months the Lord has been speaking to me about the depth of my faith and what it truly looks like, the kind of depth when He asks me "Michelle, do you love me more than anything?  Will you still believe in me if the dream you have does not look like the dream I have for you?  Will you trust my heart for you?"  I am so sorry but those are really hard questions because He is not looking for the fluffy answers, but what is deep down in the gut of my soul.  The more I have searched my heart, what has been revealed is that yes I do love Jesus BUT there have been strings attached..."Lord I will love you, serve you with all my heart if you give me..."  That was a harsh reality for me to see that reflection.  Because deep down I have always wanted to be whole-heartedly in to all God has for me, but because of trials it has caused me to doubt His goodness, who He is, and if He really loves me. I love that God's Word has real people and real stories of people who also not only have felt similar feelings I have, but to see how Jesus shows up or doesn't in those situations.

In John 11 Lazurus the brother of Mary and Martha is sick, and they send word to Jesus that He needs to come quickly...He waits 4 days. UHHH hello Jesus did you understand that unless you show up Lazurus is gonna die? Like this is your homie or as the Bible says "the one whom Jesus loves."  I am so very sorry but if I am on my death bed and I send word to my besties they better get a move on and make it to my bedside. Anyhow that has nothing to do with anything haha.  So here are two sisters completely beside themselves, Jesus doesn't come and their brother dies. Where I want to focus is where Mary (her name means rebellion and bitter) encounters Jesus.

"When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw Him, she FELL at His feet and said 'Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died."  

If you read above Martha had quite a few words for Jesus as if she was ready to throw blows, Mary on the other hand literally fell at the feet of the Messiah.  She left her bitterness and her rebellious attitude at the feet of Jesus.

So here I sat listening and I just felt the Lord tell me, "Michelle that is what I have been asking for from you."  Instantly tears. It all came full circle for me...for ten years I have carried so many emotions about something I hold close to my heart but mostly bitterness, anger and rebellion.  I heard myself say "Lord where were you when I cried out to you and asked you to save my babies lives? Why would you allow me to walk such a hard road and not intervene at all?  Why would you allow me to feel joy of being pregnant and then taking them away?...Lord if only you had been here none of this would have happened!  I have been just like Mary so many times, except foe the laying it down at Jesus feet part!! Like I mentioned in the last few months I have heard the Lord prompting me to lay it down, all down.  I know that I will attempt to grab it back and then I will have to lay it back down again, because it is a struggle for me at times just being human.  But my resolve is this, I would rather lay down the things I hold most dear to me before the feet of Jesus and walk hard roads with Him rather than alone and not miss out on all the good that He has in store for me...than to hold onto the bitterness and anger and stay stuck in a place of misery and navigate on my own.  At some point as a Christian we have to be in a place of growth where it is just not the basics anymore and where we step out into the unknown where He is calling and it is then that we find out that we really do believe that He is who He says He is, or at the very core we do not believe in Him at all...there is no middle ground.

So my new prayer is that the Lord would lead me where my trust is without borders (thank you Hillsong worship) that as I take baby steps in the directions He calls me to I will trust Him, that when things do not make sense, I will trust Him, that when things do not go my way, I will trust Him.  Oh the freedom this brings to my restless heart! Here I am Lord...send me.