"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15
In my own life I have found that rejoicing and mourning with others can at times be a very hard task. I guess I would say behind each their is a wound or a story that goes with it.
In California we do not have basements, but just imagine it is a big area to stuff a bunch of junk into. In friendships there are risks; will we allow them to see our cluttered, messy basement that screams I really do not have it all together like I try to portray? Do we have those friends that we allow to come into our cluttered and messy life junk or do we keep them at an arms length because if we allow them to see who we really are they will run for the hills? To say that I love people is kind of an understatement, I love deeply and with that love has come great heartache. I have had friendships that in my mind would be forever friendships, I mean they not only saw my cluttered basement but helped me sort through the mess. These people were friends that I linked arms with when life was hard, when we faced unbearable loss, did ministry with, prayed with and rejoiced with. I let my guard down, I let them into my cluttered and broken places, I desired deep friendship and that was what I thought I had. Turns out it was for a season and when that season of friendships were over, I was heart broken. That's it? Done? Why did I invest so much time for our friendship to end? Why did I let them in? What good will come from this? These were just a few questions that came to mind. I will come back to this story.
You ever have a friend that you know if you ever wanted to do something crazy they would be right by your side because they love you too much? The friendship of Lucy and Ethel come to mind as I type. Or the friend that when you are really going through what you think could be life's greatest trial, goes against your wishes of wanting to be alone and comes over anyways to sit with you in your silence and pain? I have had these types of friends and with them came many fun memories, but the last one made a HUGE impression on me, let me tell you why. For whatever reason pain is a very messy and uncomfortable place for most people and not many will volunteer to sit in it with you. I had had my 9 week check-up to hear our baby's heartbeat, there wasn't one...I was told that in a few short days I would begin the process of miscarriage. Excuse me doctor, what??? To me I did not just loose my baby, I lost my hope, my dream of what would be, and my world was shattered into a million pieces in a matter of seconds. I had walked 5 years in this long road of infertiliy and here was the chance that it was changing, but that was not so. I remember feeling so numb as I laid on that cold exam table and everything around me was so dark. As news leaked out to our family and friends, people started calling, texting, emailing their condolences but none of that really made it better, it was as if no one knew the deep sadness we were feeling. People would say "Let me know if you need anything" I had NO idea what I needed, and doing my everyday responsibilities seemed daunting. About 2 days later I received a text from my good friend that said "We would like to come and see you" and my pride said absolutely not, I do not want to feel awkward from people dealing with my pain, so I answered "Another day would be better." About 10 minutes later the doorbell rang and there they were at our doorstep, and as soon as she stepped into my house and hugged me the tears just flooded out of me. That hug in my deepest pain ministered to my aching heart. She did not care how awkward I was feeling, or that I could not put into words what my heart needed, she was just present. For 2 hours they sat on our couch and we barely spoke, they prayed over us when they felt led to do so, they brought a meal so I would not have to cook, but mostly they just showed up. My husband and I's brokenness was not too much for them, and the silence was not so awkward that they ran for the hills, they were willing to love us where we were at, and that was exactly what I needed but could not say.
To rejoice with those who rejoice means that you honestly are filled with joy and celebrate the season of life that they are in, even if your life in not as joyful at that moment. To mourn with those who mourn means that regardless of how uncomfortable it may be you sit in the brokenness with them. If they feel like breaking glass to make themself feel better you grab a glass and break it with them. In the first story I shared that I had lost some close friends. The reason those friendships ended was because they could not handle our grief anymore, they wanted us to be in a place of rejoicing as heir lives had been moved to that place, but that is not how life works. My husband and I had become too much for them and so they decided that they would distance themselves from us and it was heart breaking. I will say that I have learned from the pain, I have learned what it means to really do life with others, to love them unconditionally where they are in life and that whether they are in a season of rejoicing or mourning I will link arms with them and walk beside them. I have learned the importance of being present when it matters most. I have learned that fighting for my friendships is important and that people are always more important than my schedule. I have been asked to walk a hard road, one I do not understand most days, but I am grateful for the few that have loved me unconditionally and continue to walk my life journey with me.
